I'm back?

I've been thinking a lot about this blog, which isn't apparent because I haven't written in it in awhile. I contemplated turning it into a forum for all my ridiculous happenings, but I'm still uncertain those should ever be in a public place haha

This weekend brought up the idea of happiness again to me. I had an incredibly bad end of the week, and through kicking and fighting, I was able to be as chipper as possible though it. However, add in a rave, four loko, jack daniels and stupid boy drama, and all of a sudden that chipper face seems too far out of reach.

I actually couldn't tell you the last time I had sober tears. I know that is kind of weird. Crying really isn't my thing. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable and I don't know how to handle it.

But there I was on my stoop watery eyes and all, and I just knew the overlying reason why I was so upset was that I was just done putting on a happy face.

I found this quotation from another blog, "The trouble with happiness, is that it’s not there to be lived in. It’s there to be anticipated, tasted, savoured, and relished. What’s wrong with living in a state of gentle contentment, punctuated by short, sweet bursts of happiness and the occasional tang of sadness?"

I think I too often feel responsible for the general merriment of the group I am in, or obligated to make things better because I know I can. I had a bad week. Super bad. The kind that people laugh at. The kind that I always think I need to find the good in or do a million things to make me happy.

Is that really the best approach?