Feelings?!

Last night I had drinks with a very wise friend. I was telling her about my blog post about anger and we were discussing how different feelings affect you.

She made the astute observation that the worst feelings to have are guilt and embarrassment. It stinks to be angry and frustrated at someone, but those feelings usually stem from something they/you both did; guilt and embarrassment are your own to bear.

So how does that relate to happiness? I think it all goes back to that magical mantra, "think before you speak/do." We all know how it feels after we lie and we know how it feels like to think back to "THAT" moment where we would do anything to go back in time and change our embarrassing behavior.

It seems obvious to say, but I think people would be a whole lot happier if they removed some of those guilt/embarrassment situations from their lives. What does that mean? Maybe skip out on that "white lie" you make when you cancel plans on a friend when you know it will hurt his/her feelings. Maybe take that ex's number out of your phone (or maybe his/her friends?) on a night when you are going to get a little too drunk and say something you shouldn't. Anticipating these bad after tastes can help you make better decisions and improve your overall happiness.

What else does that mean for happiness? I think it means when someone lies to you/does something embarrassing in your presence, it IS his/her load to bear. I think people (especially women) often get caught up in empathy and end up "feeling bad" when they are not the ones at all responsible. Yes, it is good to pull your drunk friend away from an ex when you see him/her about to make bad choices, but if he/she goes against you and makes those choices-that is all your friend, not you.

Conclusion, anger and frustration suck but are usually a two way feelings street. Cutting out opportunities to make yourself feel less guilt and embarrassment will lead to an overall happier you.